How Leader's Process Hurt

Previous Post from June 2011. 

Hurt People can Hurt People

Genesis 31:7, "but he (Laban) has cheated me, changing my wages ten times. But God has not allowed him to hurt me." 

Jacob was done wrong in the most amazing way. Worked 7 years for a lady he did not want to marry and then was cheated into working another 7 years for the wife he wanted. Despite this, Jacob carried a godly perspective and did not allow the hurt he experienced to shape him. 

We will never escape life without experiencing hurt and pain. Realize that hurt and pain from a sickness or disease is much different than hurt or pain from relationships. I want to talk to you about that for a few minutes. 

In life and especially ministry, you will get hurt from and by people. You will also, hopefully unintentionally, hurt others as well. The way we respond and react will utlimately determine how we proceed in our lives. 

To be totally honest, I have been taught all the proper techniques of planting and growing churches. The books I have read and mentors I have sat under address all the hot topics and trending movements. I was aware of all the church growth stuff. I was aware of all the newest teaching. However I was not aware and was never taught on a real level how much people can hurt you. 

You have two options when you are hurt by someone. The first option is to internalize it and promise yourself this will never happen again. You can live in a false trust of others and react out of that pain the rest of your life. The second option is to process the hurt and pain in a positive manner. The first step is to realize that people are people. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship and the hurt, but ultimately allow God to speak to you, give you perspective and then encourage you. 

I have been active in ministry for 10 years now. Only the past two years have I met some of the most faithful and trustworthy people and literally, crazy folks. Yep. Crazy. I have heard, "I got your back man. We are going to do this together." Or my favorite, "I am here to serve you. God has called me here." After these statements, the same folks have cursed me out (and I am still trying to figure out why), left me and never returned a call, attempted to sabotage our ministry when we supported them in difficult times and one dude even gave a check and then stopped payment without telling me (you know that story). 

God has taught me how to discern who the true leaders are. God has taught me to love those who have done me wrong. God has taught me how to love and most importantly He has taught me how to process pain and hurt from relationships.

Here are the steps to take when a relationship ends painfully: 
1) Extend love and grace to that person.People are people. We are fallen and broken. 
2) Spread that love and grace to your leadership around you. They may have to know the facts (or they may not), but teach them how to operate in love and grace. 
3) Allow yourself time to grieve. It hurts. You will experience shock and awe in some of the stuff that is done to you and your family. Cry. Cry out to God. Have a friend to vent to. 
4) Gain God's perspective on the situation. Let Him speak to you about the situation. 
5) Finally, do not react in an email, text or even a call. If you feel that you absolutely must talk to that person, do it face to face and get someone to be your filter and see if it is worth it. 

Jacob was hurt deeply. He had huge disappointments, but he did not allow that hurt to run his life or dictate his calling. Neither should we. Process the pain positively.

Defense Doesn't Win Championships

In sports we always hear, "Defense wins championships." That is true for sports. Just ask Mike Diantoni (Currently Lakers Coach).

However in your ministry this is not true. Defense doesn't win. Leaders who are defensive find ways to lose.

Being defensive means that we respond to criticism or advice in a critical way. Ministry success is not primarily found in great preaching or outreach techniques but how one decides to respond to criticism. I have been a part of ministries that fell apart at the seams because the senior leader was defensive.

Three Signs to Become Aware of Your Defensive Posture:
1. Can't Handle Criticism:
•Defensive leaders get extremely offended at any sign of criticism and they bite those who give it. All criticism is bad. Even though it may be through a biased lens, you can still learn from it.
Ask, "Why did I respond that way?"

2. Unholy Ownership:
Defensive leaders also call their ministry/organization, leaders or group "my" and "mine." Because of this posture when things don't go 100% correctly they take extreme offense and become defensive. This especially manifests if someone else is seeing success and they are not. Jealousy and isolation are birthed from this one.
Ask, "Why do I call it 'mine?'"

3. Blame Game:
Another defensive mechanism is when one starts blaming external circumstances and other people for their problems. They make comments like, "We need more commitment. These people just don't care." They must first look INTERNALLY to find out if they need to change instead immediately looking to others as the main fault.
Ask, "What do I need to change in my dealing with others that will make it easier to work with me?"

The reason I can write this is because I am extremely defensive. I am praying daily for God to heal my heart of insecurity and bitterness that produces these defense mechanisms. My wife helps me immensely to see when I am operating in this mindset.
Ask God daily to help you heal and ask others to help you guard against the big 3.

4 Tips on Marketing through Facebook

Facebook is a great tool to reach people who are seeking, engaging your current members and to promote events.

Here are 5 Tips we use when marketing through Facebook:

1. Have a Facebook Page.
Some churches are using a "person" profile instead of a page. For the sake of time I simply want to say that you cannot promote a person or advertise a person profile but you can advertise a page. Use a page, not a personal profile for your organization.

2. Advertise and Market Your Page.
You can use ads manager to advertise your page. Create an ad that promotes an event, your church, sermon series or big day.

3. Target Different Age Groups when Advertising.
Run several ads at one time. Market one for young adults, one for parents with teens and so on. Target them by interests and location as well.

4. Run Ads Thursday through Sunday.
Don't continuously run ads all week. People are looking for a church Thursday through Sunday.

5. Post 3 Times a Day at Least.
Keep your page current with updates. Post pictures, Scriptures, stories and events. You can now schedule your posts through the Facebook page. See what time you get the most reach and what type of posts get the most reach as well.

10 Commandments of a Healthy Church

I went through this with our Core Team of Thrive Church when we got ready to launch. We talked about what a healthy church culture looks like.

The 10 Commandments of a Healthy Church:

          1. Thou Shall Worship God and not a Ministry Style or Tradition (past, present or future).

          2. Thou Shall Not Gossip about Others or Spread your “Opinions” to Other people about Them.

          3. Thou Shall ___________________________ (we all placed our own).

          4. Thou Shall not Desire Positions but Rather just be People of Production.

          5. Thou Shall not Run People off from the Church by being Mean to Them.

          6. Thou Shall be Willing to be Flexible to Find the Best Way for the Health and Growth of the Church and its People. (Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape)

          7. Thou Shall Embrace Other Races and Cultures. (racism and prejudice are condemned by God and a mark of an immature disciple or an unbeliever)

          8. Thou Shall Not GET OFFENDED or STAY OFFENDED, but Will Act Like Mature Adults When Conflict Arises. 

          9. Thou Shall Work with Others in a Team Ministry Format.

          10. Thou Shall be Generous with Time, Talent and Treasure.

"Tebow" Pastors

Everyone was taken back by Tebow-mania last year. The 2011 season was highlighted by Tim Tebow's performance with the Denver Broncos. He led them all the way from a 1-4 start to a divisional playoff game. That's impressive. Or so it would seem. He had a great season.
Look at the 2012 season. Tebow was traded to the NY Jets and then benched. No starts. No glory. No postseason heroics. He simply had one really good season.

The reasonTim Tebow only lasted one season and no one wants to take him as a QB is because he is one-dimensional. He can really run the football. He is a powerful back, but he cannot throw the football. The Jets really wanted Tebow. They traded draft picks for him. Then they found out he is one dimensional. He is a glorified running back but will never make it because he simply cannot throw the football.
(I am not hating on Tebow. I like the dude. I love his faith.)

Many pastors have only one good season in their career because they are one-dimensional. They are "Tebow Pastors."
It is a struggle for me and if you are a pastor it's a struggle for you. No one is exempt.
What is the struggle? It is being one-dimensional in our approach to how we do ministry. It is being one-dimensional in our denomination ties. It can even be in our skill sets.

Here are some ideas to train your inner Tim Tebow to be able to pass and run.

1. Multi-Dimension: I thank God for my tribe. They are good folks with good intentions for the Kingdom. The problem comes when you grow up in a denomination, go to their school and pastor their churches. You only know one way to do ministry. If you are Pentecostal then you only know aggressive, demonstrative ministry. If you are Baptist, then you are trained from a contemporary, but dry, seeker-sensitive approach. If you are Methodist, then probably heavy liturgy and programmatic worship services.
Here's the point: Learn, appreciate and incorporate the values of other denominations. If you are Charlie Charismatic or Perry Pentecostal, then work toward learning how to reach unbelievers and value the unchurched thoughts or perceptions of church. Learn how to systematically teach the Bible.
If you are mainline, then learn the value of prayer, faith and believing God. Learn the importance of the Holy Spirit.

How are you one-dimensional?

I heard a guy say this one time, "If you always look for a potential spouse at your family reunion then your family may come out a little slow."
Learn to cross-pollenate so you can stop being a "Tim Tebow."
I believe that God is calling pastoral leaders to become more like the Levite tribes. They were able to go in and out of each tribe. May we be that way with our tribes.

7 Website Mistakes Made by Churches

I don't have one single source for all that I have learned with websites and online marketing. I will say that my friend Craig Walker from UpWardChurch.org and one of my coaches, Bob Franquiz, of Calvary Fellowship have been instrumental.

I do know that churches have the worst ideas when it comes to websites and online marketing. I spend hours talking to pastors about how to make their sites better. Most of them listen to about 5% and then continue to do what they "think" is best.
Let me just say this: Don't mess up the website! It is key.

Thrive Church started with just 25 people in June of 2012. We have grown to over 125 people in 6 months. That is 500% growth in 7 months.  90% of our newcomers are coming through our website. The two elements that helped me the most was Craig's book, "Right Message; Wrong Method," then I studied all the top churches websites.

Over the years I have learned the hard way about websites and having a strong online presence. These principles will apply to your church or business.
Here are the seven, common, mistakes of churches and websites:

1. Your Website is Based on Your Own Personal Creative "Think Tank."
I remember talking to one guy who sat with his friend to make this really cool new idea about creating their churches websites. They had this elaborate plan of forums and discussions. It was in depth. I asked this guy, "Do any of the top churches or growing churches in your area do this?" His response was, "I don't know." I encouraged him to see what they are doing and use their principles. He didn't. The website is your basic, irrelevant, church website.
When creating a website make sure you use empirical evidence. Find out what design companies the top churches in your region are using. Find our what links they use as main links. Find out what they are doing.
Don't sit around with a friend to make the "ultimate website." Hint: It's been done. There are churches who have paid someone lot's of money to figure this out. Mimic their principles.

2. Someone in Your Church Can Make Websites.
I am laughing as I write this. Listen, my great aunt took a class at the community college that teaches how to make websites. Anyone can make a website, but not everyone can create a WOW website. Be courageous enough to say no to this. Unless they are a pro and a stable person in the church, just say no. If they are amateur and not very connected, eventually you will have a bad site that is never updated.
I hear this one more than anything else. If they are web saavy, then have them use a reputable web design company that will host it. You will get a great template and they just have to "plug and play." Make sure you get ALL passwords and information. Don't get caught with them leaving and your URL is on an island.

3. Cheaper is Better.
One of my pastor friends was trying to convince his board of the necessity of a great website. They wanted to know the CHEAPEST way possible. They would do yardsales for irrlevant events, but not put money into a quality website.
Here is the key: If it is cheap, it will be cheap. Just like a used car, you will get what you pay for. This can be the best investment you have ever made.


4. Too Much Information.
Make sure your home page has the KEY links and buttons. Pretend you are a first time guest. What type of church is this? What do they believe? Where are they located?
Have links on your page, but your home page should NOT have a novel on the front page. Make it easy to navigate around the page.

5. You Don't Know What S.E.O Means.
Search Engine Optimization is the KEY. Google is the number one search engine right now. Search engines read your web page. When someone searches for a church, they will use key words. A person may move to our area and type in: Christian Church Chesterfield. If we don't have these keywords in description pages, on the front page and in other areas, it will be looked over. Google doesn't read JPEG's or FLASH. Pictures and flash NEED to be on the front page. It looks good, but being found is much better than looking good. We had to cut our flash pictures in half so we could add more keyword search words. This boosts your rankings in certain categories. We have several key words we use over and over again on our website.
We paid a company called, "Boostablity," to come in and optimize our site. They helped GREATLY. The two ways you are found are: 1) Organic listings and 2) Paid Advertising.
Use a company like Boostability to help your organic rankings and then use Google Adwords Express for your paid advertising. We see tons of families a month come through Thrive Church due to Google Adwords. We INVEST money into Google Adwords. If you type in "best church in richmond va," we will come to the very top.
We have put enough emphasis on Google Adwords to the point that we now dominate our region with organic listings and Google searches.
We also use Bing/Yahoo search, but the return has not been as good.
Have your site, "Search Engine Optimized."

6. Lack of Video and Audio (or poor quality).
I have heard countless people say, "I watched your welcome video. That sold me." We have a link to a welcome video. They need to see the pastor first and then see what the church looks like. Make sure your video is solid and reflects your church. 
One issue I have found is very poor audio quality of recordings. People want to see a welcome video and they want to hear your preaching (or see it).
Don't post crappy videos though. If you can get a better audio clip than video for preaching, then go with QUALITY. Video doesn't sell. If they can't hear you and you look really small on the screen, it may be a turn off. People will search for your website while at work. Most work computers will not let them play YouTube videos. If that's all you have then you will miss out. Post audio.
 I have also seen churches try to post worship in those venues. BAD IDEA. Let people know what music you play and add some shots or video, but don't put extended video of your worship that was recorded with a cheap camcorder or iPhone. Remember that most of our teams will sound worse recorded. That lady who can't hit a note- the guest will hear it. Play it safe. I know you are proud of them, but your guest to the website may not be as proud.
Keys: Welcome video. Great Quality Audio. Finally, have some video if it is good quality.

7. Website Doesn't Match the Church.
I learned the hardway. When I planted a church in FL this happened to me. Before we launched our church we created this rocking website. The problem is that we were still running 30 people. We met in a weird location with bright blue walls. I had our first website guest come to the church. He told me afterwards, "You have a good thing here, but your website oversells your church. Tone it down to match your church." That was hard to swallow.
Use pictures of the facility. Use pictures of your people. Don't let guests be surprised when they come to your church. After they leave the website they should have an accurate description of what to expect.
If you have a great church then don't have a terrible website either. Your website is a personal reflection on how much you think of your church.

Here are a few companies that host sites:
Clover Sites
Faith Connector
Church Plant Media
D2Design
-many, many, many more.

Resources:
Craig Walker's Book, "Right Message, Wrong Method."

It's Not for You!

I had a huge wake up call in Florida. I moved there thinking I would spend the rest of my life in that city. I sacrificed. I saved money. I raised support. We took a huge step of faith. We started and established a church.

I remember in August of 2011 when I felt God impress on my heart that our associate/youth pastor was to take it over. I did not want to hear it. Over the next several months I fasted, prayed and sought advice from trusted mentors. All signs were pointing to the inevitable. I was not going to be there forever.

The passage of Scripture here speaks of this very thing. David had an inexperienced son who was to take over. Instead of David being insecure and looking at Solomon's limitations, he made "preparations."

David said, "My son Solomon is young and inexperienced, and the house that is to be built for the LORD shall be exceedingly magnificent, famous and glorious throughout all lands. Therefore now I will make preparation for it." So David made ample preparations before his death. (1 Chronicles 22:5 NASB)
::How are you preparing the next generation for ministry?
You are building your ministry for someone else. You are always preparing it for someone else. What you are building is not just for your enjoyment, but for the next person.

Here is the way to accomplish this:
1. Don't base it on your personality alone.
Don't put pictures up of you and your wife around the church. It may make you feel good, but the next guy has to take them down. Don't build everything based on your talent and personality alone. Even though the church will take on your personality, don't make it that.

2. Don't base your ministry on your programs.
If you and your wife run all the programs and administrate everything, then when you are called out, it will fail. Most pastors (especially young, like myself) initiate and start programs. They run them, put energy behind them and make it their own. Remember, what you start, you will have to sustain. Don't try to carry a program or ministry on your shoulders. Build ministry around people's passions. Pray and wait for the right people. Let God build it through the people, not "on" you.

3. Don't just "do" church.
Build a culture that has healthy systems and healthy leaders over those systems. Build a culture where the people own the vision and when it comes down to it, with or without you they will take it on.

We launched Thrive Church in 2012. It has been wonderful. But what I have learned is that we were able to do that because a group of people helped start a movement 63 years ago. I am seeing success because "preparations" were made.

Say this daily, "It's not about me; it's about the next guy. This is not for me; it's for the next generation. I will not be here forever; but I want this culture and vision to outlive me."

Now- for all my Thriver's reading this. I plan to be here for a while. Take a deep breath! :)